things that are white

DAI:

these images are inspiring me today. plus i bought some white curtains and a white hanging light from ikea yesterday. :)

crafting happening soon.

dagger went deep

DAI:

i'll be the first to admit it.
i want to be wanted.
i want to be recognized.
i want to be loved.

i want to finish first, but i never will, not in earthly eyes.

just be content.

that's all you expect?

yet i never seem to overcome the desire to want more.
but i guess that's what this world is all about.

i'm being cryptic, i know...

i just wanted something so bad
i've wanted this thing for so long
as long as i can remember
and i have to wait
and i hate waiting

and i wanted to be first
and i won't be first anymore.

god, i know your humbling me.
i know your stretching me.
but im tired of this
and i just wanted this one tiny thing
yet you say...
wait.
well you gave it to someone else.
someone close to me.
while i have to wait.

you just stabbed my heart
and the dagger went deep.

you had better have a good plan.

p.s. i still love you.

i just want to be a beautiful creation.

with the sun

DAI:

i used to
know her
but i don't
anymore

dancing
laughing
but now
under pressure

one day
soon enough
she'll arise
with the sun

coax her
pull her
want her
love her

beauty
will open
up her
dark soul

bones bloom

DAI:

change is in the wind
it's carried my bones this way and that

dropping them here, burying me there
i fall on my face, i hit the ground running

dancing on raindrops, moving like lightning
just like thunder, i feel my jaw tightening

can i withhold the energy of my soul?

let me go! i say to the wind
but it howls and haunts me

will these bones bloom in spring?
or will the death bell toll with a ring?

is it the wind that carries me?
or fate?

look at this!

fresh air

bloody meaningless, my networked identity.
lost in the atmosphere that moves, but never feels.
constantly changing, but it is real change?
people write vigorously, typing frozen words.
i have fallen into the stagnant life of these words.
even now, i attempt to write them, but they become statues of staleness.
my eyes become dim from the back light of the screen.
my mouth dry, because i speak no words.
i become silent and grey as the world around me turns white.
white with meaningless intellectualness and philosophized drama.

but i want to be known!

so i give up my mysteriousness for attention that i will rarely receive.
i'll post pictures, comments, write blogs, hoping that someone will praise me.
but when my identity becomes affirmed, i only become more lost in the system.
more lost in the social networks.

the soft glow of the screen holds me captive.
the light tapping of keys has become addictive.
my pointer has to click away.

i forget sometimes about the outdoors.
i dismiss the beauty of nature.
i forget how to talk to people.

my mouth has been sewed up and my soul has been taken hostage by the dark depths of web.
it feverishly wraps me tighter into its grasp, suffocating me of all true existence.
i am a slave to a deathly narrative.

i don't want to become a silhouette.
i want to breathe and dance and sing.
i must create a new reality in the real reality.
i can't forget about the preciousness of face to face relationships.
i need fresh air.

places

i've been thinking a lot about vacations lately. i know, you and me both are thinking, "but you just had a vacation of a lifetime only 3 months ago." i can still dream though, yes? that's what i thought. so here's a list of some places i want to travel to eventually.


1. portland, maine.

i have this awesome idea that i'd make a scrapbook of this vacation and it'd be all cute by saying portland to portland on one of the first pages. eric and i looked into going here for our honeymoon, and since we didn't, i still want to go and stay in a little cottage near the water. Then we'd read, write, go antiquing, and eat seafood every night. yum!


2. anchorage, alaska

this might actually happen in a few years. eric wants to see the northern lights so.stinking.bad. apparently they are suppose to be stellar in 2012, so we're thinking about doing a cruise in the spring. and then maybe visiting stephanie and jason cause they live there and it'd be awesome to see them!


3. orange county, california

i will never get tired of going to california on vacation. it's always so much fun-probably because it means that i get to hang out with my lovely friend carly. and i wouldn't mind vacationing in san diego for a bit either. i love it there too. oh, and i want to go again because eric and i want to go to disneyland together! we've also talked about doing this roadtrip style with some friends.


4. charlotte, north carolina

i've been here before, but it's been a long time. my aunt and cousins live here and i so badly want to see their beautiful faces! and explore some of the east coast and experience that 'southern hospitality.' haha :)


5. new orleans, lousiana

my uncle went here last year to go fishing with one of his buddies and he said it was one of the best experiences he's had in a long time. i really want to go down to the deep south, eat lots of amazing food, and enjoy the cajun culture.


6. rockaway, oregon

this is happening this month with some of our closest friends! woo hoo! but i also would like to go back with just eric and i and enjoy a quiet romantic weekend of reading, writing, games, and being alone together.