tonight, not again

DAI:

am i alone in this?
never a night where I can sleep myself till day.

you may feel alone when you're falling asleep
and every time tears roll down your cheeks
but i know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
someday you will be loved

but you don't know what now to do
cause the chase is all you know
and she stopped running months ago

and i can't stop now for no one
the motion keeps my heart running

and all my wishful thinking was wrong
i'm jaded, i hate it

i'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why
hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

well if you should nervously break down
when its time for the shakedown, would you take it?
it's when you cry just a little, but you laugh in the middle that you've made it
and don't it feel alright and don't it feel so nice, love, love, love, lovely.

things that are white

DAI:

these images are inspiring me today. plus i bought some white curtains and a white hanging light from ikea yesterday. :)

crafting happening soon.

dagger went deep

DAI:

i'll be the first to admit it.
i want to be wanted.
i want to be recognized.
i want to be loved.

i want to finish first, but i never will, not in earthly eyes.

just be content.

that's all you expect?

yet i never seem to overcome the desire to want more.
but i guess that's what this world is all about.

i'm being cryptic, i know...

i just wanted something so bad
i've wanted this thing for so long
as long as i can remember
and i have to wait
and i hate waiting

and i wanted to be first
and i won't be first anymore.

god, i know your humbling me.
i know your stretching me.
but im tired of this
and i just wanted this one tiny thing
yet you say...
wait.
well you gave it to someone else.
someone close to me.
while i have to wait.

you just stabbed my heart
and the dagger went deep.

you had better have a good plan.

p.s. i still love you.

i just want to be a beautiful creation.

with the sun

DAI:

i used to
know her
but i don't
anymore

dancing
laughing
but now
under pressure

one day
soon enough
she'll arise
with the sun

coax her
pull her
want her
love her

beauty
will open
up her
dark soul

bones bloom

DAI:

change is in the wind
it's carried my bones this way and that

dropping them here, burying me there
i fall on my face, i hit the ground running

dancing on raindrops, moving like lightning
just like thunder, i feel my jaw tightening

can i withhold the energy of my soul?

let me go! i say to the wind
but it howls and haunts me

will these bones bloom in spring?
or will the death bell toll with a ring?

is it the wind that carries me?
or fate?

look at this!

fresh air

bloody meaningless, my networked identity.
lost in the atmosphere that moves, but never feels.
constantly changing, but it is real change?
people write vigorously, typing frozen words.
i have fallen into the stagnant life of these words.
even now, i attempt to write them, but they become statues of staleness.
my eyes become dim from the back light of the screen.
my mouth dry, because i speak no words.
i become silent and grey as the world around me turns white.
white with meaningless intellectualness and philosophized drama.

but i want to be known!

so i give up my mysteriousness for attention that i will rarely receive.
i'll post pictures, comments, write blogs, hoping that someone will praise me.
but when my identity becomes affirmed, i only become more lost in the system.
more lost in the social networks.

the soft glow of the screen holds me captive.
the light tapping of keys has become addictive.
my pointer has to click away.

i forget sometimes about the outdoors.
i dismiss the beauty of nature.
i forget how to talk to people.

my mouth has been sewed up and my soul has been taken hostage by the dark depths of web.
it feverishly wraps me tighter into its grasp, suffocating me of all true existence.
i am a slave to a deathly narrative.

i don't want to become a silhouette.
i want to breathe and dance and sing.
i must create a new reality in the real reality.
i can't forget about the preciousness of face to face relationships.
i need fresh air.