spiders really scare me

DAI:

SOFD: replay by iyaz
WIKI: break it down, get it done

thoughts:
-there is a black spider in my room under my bed. i almost couldn't sleep last night.
-my back is wigging out. like i might have scoliosis or something. i noticed that my spine is not straight a week or two ago and it's freaking me out.[doctor, doctor, help me!]
-i have 3 weeks to get all my ish done for school. that includes two 15pg papers, and 30pg novel, and a take-home final, plus other stuff.
-my boss is moving. so that means i am packing stuff for her. which is stressful.
-christmas is coming. im not very excited thus far.
-i woke up this morning to my mind screaming. i didn't even know what to do with myself.
-i need to get back into my devos. seriously. this is probably the root of it all.

i keep telling myself that if i do well in school, and get this ish taken care of, this will be my LAST STRESSFUL (school-related) FALL.

this song came on my "get that chin up" playlist today on my way to school:

chem 6a by switchfoot

nothing but a chemical in my head
it's nothing but laziness
cause i don't wanna read the book
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else my age

i think i'd rather play around
and i think i'd rather watch tv
cause i don't wanna face my fears
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else

because i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna see this now
it's all wrong but it's alright
and i don't wanna be here
and i don't wanna study now
it's all wrong but it's alright

i don't know what love is
i don't know who i am
and if i ever want to find out
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else my age

i don't wanna change the world
and i don't wanna be someone
i don't wanna write the book
i'll make the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else

i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna see this now
it's all wrong but it's alright
and i don't wanna be here
and i don't wanna study now
it's all wrong but it's alright

(given my situation lately, this song really did it for me this morning. obviously, not everything was hit on the head with the lyrics, but some was.)

oh and im sure that lots of people would look at my situation and tell me i've got it easy. and i know i do. i just want to shake through the next three weeks and be like the girl in the picture.

wannabe a balloon

DAI:

SOFD: mansard roof by vampire weekend
WIKI: make your own mini hot air balloon

i wanna be done with school and be a balloon!

beautiful things and rants

DAI:

SOFD: skeleton boy by friendly fires
WIKI: beautiful skeleton leaves

man. it's been a while. well thoughts and updates since late april:

i transferred schools again. fun.
i spent the summer jobless and a bum, but it was fun.
finally got a job nannying at the beginning of august.
started school.
and basically have been drowned in school and work thus far.

i also voted, went camping, went on a one day road trip to california with eric, saw matt & kim and eric hutchinson, and took a ton of pictures with my minolta.

how's that for a life?

so the christmas season is just around the corner. and seriously, im looking forward to friends and family, but the commercialism and materialism of christmas is driving me crazy. i don't want to buy stuff that will be forgotten. i don't want to give meaningless gifts and worry about if i've spent enough on someone. is that what jesus did to show people he loved them? he didn't buy them love, he showed them love. he healed and spent time with people.

it's challenging to not give into this materialistic world. i've been reading a book written by my pastor at imago dei entiled advent conspiracy and it has really put things in perspective for me.

you can read more about the movement here: advent conspiracy

so usually im not very political. in fact, i pretty much detest the whole thing, but i kinda have been thinking about some stuff lately, and feel like i need to address it (or at least rant about it for a bit).

ok. so first, living in america is amazing. i am so blessed with having the freedoms that i have that i wouldn't have anywhere else.

but politically, my country makes me so irritated. is really the only way to win political races to bash on your opponent? have we really stooped that low? woah, that really shows the immaturity of the most of the people we have in office. i really hate the animosity between the democrats and the republicans too. i mean, sure, we have differences, but is it really necessary to bash on the other group to make you feel better?

and with this whole fox news thing: seriously, everyone has their own agenda. there isn't a "fair" news system out there. so fox news gets the heat because they support some more conservative views. well, other news stations have supported the liberal views more and they don't get bashed for it.

and with conservative politicians: maybe i'd like you if you weren't all ridiculous. (ok so there are a few who are good, but they never make it big, probably because the democrats wouldn't know what to do with themselves because they would have a harder time making fun of these "few" who actually know their stuff and actually support a conservative viewpoint instead of those who are marring it all up like glen beck...)

i don't know why it is, but i think conservative politicians who get media time only get media time to make the republican party look stupid. and i think they get media time, because most of the people behind deciding what the media is covering are democrats and want the republicans to look stupid.

and they've done a good job.

which is why i refuse to partake in a party. because if i did, i would be seen as stupid because i tend to see things more conservatively and would not have as strong as a say if i called myself a republican. because that's the image conservatives get.

thank you media.

so i will continue to be independent.

and continue to love people and not bash on them cause they are democratic or republican or green party or whatever.

and, just for the record, i don't think jesus would be a conservative or liberal. i don't think he would've had time to get caught up in political garbage.

and so, i will put this rant behind me, and continue to love.

:)