engaged

DAI:

SOTD: i know by meaghan smith
WIKI: i know, do you?

so as of december 23, 2009, i am officially off the market. eric proposed and i said yes! we've both known that this was gonna take place sooner or later, so i'm very happy that it was sooner. he took me out to park and took pictures of us playing on the playground, then at the end, he proposed! (see above picture!) anyway, i'm so happy that i will be spending the rest of my life with eric and i'm looking forward to all the adventures we will have!

now to plan a wedding!

oh, and yes, i love my ring! :)

finals: finally over

DAI:

SOFD: from a terrace by hey marseilles
WIKI: make a faerie garden

after writing for 60 hours in the last 7 days, i finally made it through finals week! thank goodness i will never have that many papers due again at the end of semester. eeks. it was bad, but it's over! now onto bigger and better things (like christmas, family parties, and new years at the beach with amazing friends!) woot!

joy is...

DAI:

SOFD: you belong to me by butch walker
WIKI: almond joy cocktail

so i should be writing a 15 page research paper right now, but i need to a quick break. (and obviously more writing is what i choose? haha).

man. i have a lot to say, but i'll edit it on thursday to write more, after finals. haha. kkkk.

spiders really scare me

DAI:

SOFD: replay by iyaz
WIKI: break it down, get it done

thoughts:
-there is a black spider in my room under my bed. i almost couldn't sleep last night.
-my back is wigging out. like i might have scoliosis or something. i noticed that my spine is not straight a week or two ago and it's freaking me out.[doctor, doctor, help me!]
-i have 3 weeks to get all my ish done for school. that includes two 15pg papers, and 30pg novel, and a take-home final, plus other stuff.
-my boss is moving. so that means i am packing stuff for her. which is stressful.
-christmas is coming. im not very excited thus far.
-i woke up this morning to my mind screaming. i didn't even know what to do with myself.
-i need to get back into my devos. seriously. this is probably the root of it all.

i keep telling myself that if i do well in school, and get this ish taken care of, this will be my LAST STRESSFUL (school-related) FALL.

this song came on my "get that chin up" playlist today on my way to school:

chem 6a by switchfoot

nothing but a chemical in my head
it's nothing but laziness
cause i don't wanna read the book
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else my age

i think i'd rather play around
and i think i'd rather watch tv
cause i don't wanna face my fears
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else

because i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna see this now
it's all wrong but it's alright
and i don't wanna be here
and i don't wanna study now
it's all wrong but it's alright

i don't know what love is
i don't know who i am
and if i ever want to find out
i'll watch the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else my age

i don't wanna change the world
and i don't wanna be someone
i don't wanna write the book
i'll make the movie
cause it's not me
i'm just like everybody else
i'm just like everybody else

i don't wanna be here
i don't wanna see this now
it's all wrong but it's alright
and i don't wanna be here
and i don't wanna study now
it's all wrong but it's alright

(given my situation lately, this song really did it for me this morning. obviously, not everything was hit on the head with the lyrics, but some was.)

oh and im sure that lots of people would look at my situation and tell me i've got it easy. and i know i do. i just want to shake through the next three weeks and be like the girl in the picture.

wannabe a balloon

DAI:

SOFD: mansard roof by vampire weekend
WIKI: make your own mini hot air balloon

i wanna be done with school and be a balloon!

beautiful things and rants

DAI:

SOFD: skeleton boy by friendly fires
WIKI: beautiful skeleton leaves

man. it's been a while. well thoughts and updates since late april:

i transferred schools again. fun.
i spent the summer jobless and a bum, but it was fun.
finally got a job nannying at the beginning of august.
started school.
and basically have been drowned in school and work thus far.

i also voted, went camping, went on a one day road trip to california with eric, saw matt & kim and eric hutchinson, and took a ton of pictures with my minolta.

how's that for a life?

so the christmas season is just around the corner. and seriously, im looking forward to friends and family, but the commercialism and materialism of christmas is driving me crazy. i don't want to buy stuff that will be forgotten. i don't want to give meaningless gifts and worry about if i've spent enough on someone. is that what jesus did to show people he loved them? he didn't buy them love, he showed them love. he healed and spent time with people.

it's challenging to not give into this materialistic world. i've been reading a book written by my pastor at imago dei entiled advent conspiracy and it has really put things in perspective for me.

you can read more about the movement here: advent conspiracy

so usually im not very political. in fact, i pretty much detest the whole thing, but i kinda have been thinking about some stuff lately, and feel like i need to address it (or at least rant about it for a bit).

ok. so first, living in america is amazing. i am so blessed with having the freedoms that i have that i wouldn't have anywhere else.

but politically, my country makes me so irritated. is really the only way to win political races to bash on your opponent? have we really stooped that low? woah, that really shows the immaturity of the most of the people we have in office. i really hate the animosity between the democrats and the republicans too. i mean, sure, we have differences, but is it really necessary to bash on the other group to make you feel better?

and with this whole fox news thing: seriously, everyone has their own agenda. there isn't a "fair" news system out there. so fox news gets the heat because they support some more conservative views. well, other news stations have supported the liberal views more and they don't get bashed for it.

and with conservative politicians: maybe i'd like you if you weren't all ridiculous. (ok so there are a few who are good, but they never make it big, probably because the democrats wouldn't know what to do with themselves because they would have a harder time making fun of these "few" who actually know their stuff and actually support a conservative viewpoint instead of those who are marring it all up like glen beck...)

i don't know why it is, but i think conservative politicians who get media time only get media time to make the republican party look stupid. and i think they get media time, because most of the people behind deciding what the media is covering are democrats and want the republicans to look stupid.

and they've done a good job.

which is why i refuse to partake in a party. because if i did, i would be seen as stupid because i tend to see things more conservatively and would not have as strong as a say if i called myself a republican. because that's the image conservatives get.

thank you media.

so i will continue to be independent.

and continue to love people and not bash on them cause they are democratic or republican or green party or whatever.

and, just for the record, i don't think jesus would be a conservative or liberal. i don't think he would've had time to get caught up in political garbage.

and so, i will put this rant behind me, and continue to love.

:)

you are the..

tobacco to my pipe
high to my five
mac to my book
palm to my tree
photo to my booth
polo to my roid
vinyl to my record
8 to my track
mix to my tape
american to my eagle
anthro to my pology
cell to my phone
apple to my cider
skinny to my jeans
credit to my card
TGI to my friday
tire to my swing
black to my berry
road to my trip
range to my rover
life to my saver
gangster to my lean
deco to my podge
fuel to my hummer
chain to my gang
crayons to my crayon box
reeses to my cup
roller coaster to my theme park
bird to my cage
key to my ignition
rain to my umbrella
cd to my player
flame to my candle
ghetto to my rap
tan to my summer
breeze to my kite
spice to my chai
ingredients to my meals
books to my library
flowers to my garden
music to my lyrics
fish to my bowl
wind to my sail
grease to my bacon
granola to my breakfast
olive to my branch
slack to my line
ring to my finger
marshmallow to my s'more
tv to my dinner
film to my camera
cheese to my wine
protractor to my geometry
grammar to my english
snow to my winter
swing to my set
champagne to my wedding
water to my plant
sun to my photoynthesis
bias to my transistor
oil to my painting
peanut to my butter
live cultures to my yogurt
moss to my tree
frost to my flakes
atoms to my molecule
pollen to my flowers
caramel to my apple
cotton to my candy
radius to my diameter
solution to my equation
result to my experiment
milk to my cereal
reception to my antenna
mona to my lisa
sky to my dive
ferris to my wheel
frame to my picture
kiss to my lips
google to my homepage
dictator to my cuba
king to my castle
peace to my quiet
playground to my park
make-believe to my imagination
popcorn to my microwave
tree to my christmas
firework to my 4th of july
costume to my halloween
coral to my reef
stuffing to my turkey
coffee to my morning
candy to my cane
vanilla to my bean
milk to my shake
shot to my latte
powerpoint to my presentation
beat to my heart

and i love you

cage the elephant, let's graffiti

DAI:

SOTD: ain't no rest for the wicked by cage the elephant
WIKI: graffiti art

triple super

DAI:



SOTD: i use my superpowers by nathan crawford
WIKI: be a super hero!

i love that i've seen my brother thomas in all of the above outfits. that's super!

for thomas

DAI:

SOTD: lego by the maccabees
WIKI: make symbols on a mac

this last weekend was awesome. eric and i went to the beach and met my family there. we enjoyed a beautiful sunny day out on the beach. we also hiked mt. neahakanie that morning and were able to see the clear coastline. sunday was a california day, but we missed out. we went to church instead. i made cookie dough this weekend too and it got eaten very quickly thanks to joe, tad, thomas, josh, nathan, eric, mom, dad, and i. and then i got to hang out with tori and emily last night which was awesome and we laughed a lot :) im glad i have cousins who im close with...

anyway, now im back at school. today's picture is for thomas because i love him and it reminded me of him.

until next time!

vampires, kites, answers

DAI:

SOTD: a-punk by vampire weekend
WIKI: make a kite

rockaway-here i come!

quicksand vs. greener grass

DAI:

SOTD: sometimes i can't make it alone by mae
WIKI: green tea cupcakes

i've done this before. i thought i could deal with this loneliness. but i was wrong.

two years ago, i was alone. i was alone and i dealt with it. i was alone and it was hard. i was alone and i was ok with it. i was alone and i learned a lot about myself. i was alone and i ended up enjoying it.

this year, i've been alone. i've been alone in the midst of community. i've been alone with everyone around me having relationships. i've been alone being away from my community.

this year, i know that i'm not alone. i have a God who loves me, a family who cares deeply and supports me, a boyfriend who is constantly loving and encouraging me, and friends, who, even though i've been away, still jump back to right where we left off.

but it's still hard.

during the week, i feel stagnate. i am bored. everyday im here i feel like a little more of me is dying. im scared i'll come back home and not be me anymore. i live for the weekends where i feel alive again. and then when i leave to come back to school, i hope the life i felt over the weekend will get me by till the next weekend.

sometimes i hope i haven't ruined everything by being away. i haven't kept up some relationships i know i should have. i hope those people don't think that means i love them any less. i hope they know that i've been waiting and anticipating the day i come back and am able to be a part of their lives again. i hope they know it's killed me knowing that i haven't been there this year. i've missed out on so much that i wish i hadn't had to miss. i hope they know i'm sorry. i hope they accept me back.

goodness, i cannot tell anyone how excited i am to come back home. i will finally be back in my element. i'll be able to live and not feel dead. i'll be able to get involved in church again. i just want to be part of a community. i want to be part of something bigger than myself.

and just so you know, the grass is greener on the other side. the grass was greener where i came from and im excited to go back and not die in this quicksand.

light up the sky

DAI:

SOTD: the sun by melpo mene
WIKI: make willow string

where are you?

better yet, where am i?

i've been weaving in and out of the traffic of my busy life. i slip into an alleyway where i am convinced you will not find me. yet, in the midst of the darkness and solitude...

you are there.
you appear.
you want me.

i give up. i give it all up. my pride cannot withstand your love.

i am still apprehensive. i don't doubt your forgiveness, i doubt mine. can i forgive myself? but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that christ's power may rest on me.

let your love light up my life...

stratus clouds drown poseidon

DAI:

SOTD: flume by bon iver
WIKI: make inexpensive tile floors

fever of the yellow balloons
drift amongst the stratus clouds
sway and swing and drift and drown
higher away from this small town

the river swells and stings my wounds
my pores absorb the surge of liquid
take my essence and bottle it up
cork the top and toss it in Poseidon's cup

creation vs crap

DAI:

SOTD: creator vs. switch and freq nasty by santogold
WIKI: emergency creation

thing 1:

i realized something about myself today that i had probably known, but never was able to put into words before-that being that in order for me to feel like my day was productive, i must create something. the creation could be anything: a meal, a collage, a blog, or anything really.

thing 2:

today i turned my calendar to april today (can you believe im actually on top of it?) and the quote of the month read:

"sometimes right back where you started from is right where you belong."

i couldn't agree more. after finally leaving my home and living in another city, i realize how much i love where im from and how much i want to go back.

another thing:

as i was driving back up to school today, while i was in a very sad mood, i happen to glance over to my right and see a field. in this field were about a dozen horses and one in particular caught my eye. one of the horses tail's was erect and all of the sudden it started to defecate. i do realize that this whole scene took place within the course of about 3 seconds, but those 3 seconds changed my attitude immediately. it was quite ironic to me that i was feeling crappy and all the sudden i saw an animal feeling crappy too. i laughed out loud in my car and felt much better about life.

updates over the last month:

i went to mexico.
for the first time ever, i dropped a class.
nathan played a show.
im transferring for sure.
i decided to train for a marathon.
i ate alligator.

quote of the day:

"my dream is to unleash my potential. ready or not, here i come."

fin

holy crochet hooks, batman!

DAI:

SOTD: lady loop by alo
WIKI: loops make hammocks

delorean in my driveway

DAI:

SOTD: the delorean by hyper crush
WIKI: utilize your driveway

h=r/e

DAI:

SOFD: happiness by the fray
WIKI: happiness in the morning

so i am currently reading 19 minutes by jodi picoult and in the book, one of the characters is contemplating life and using the equation for happiness; that is

happiness=reality/expectations.

i don't really know how i feel about this equation or if i even think it's true, but it's interesting to think about it. i read this quote on another blog site and continued to ponder:

"therefore, happiness is inversely proportional to expectations. in order to be happy, lower your expectations. to be happy, accept the reality as the way it is."

right now it, i feel unhappy with where i am in my life. so i have three options:

1. lower my expectations to better my reality
2. accept my reality
3. toss the whole concept out

1. the problem is that i don't want to lower my expectations. i mean, i don't even know how i would do that. my expectations of what my situation is has already been shattered.

2. this is this the hardest way to go. i have to realize that accept the facts that things aren't easy now. there's no easy way out and i have to press on. my attitude needs to change too. my life is really is not as hard as i have made it out to be. actually, i'm pretty sure that life will be much harder than this, so i should most definitely see the good.

3. this is pretty simple. i continue to wallow in my pathetic dislike of my situation and do nothing to change myself.

i want to be someone. a friend. a lover. an artist. a teacher. a traveler. a sage. a confidant.

what do i want out of life?
what am i putting into life?
what are my dreams?
how am i going to get there?
how can i start tomorrow?

last week in ed psych, my teacher told us about bill bennet who wrote the book of virtues. in his book, he organized the chapters by 10 different virtues:
1. compassion
2. courage
3. faith
4. friendship
5. honesty
6. loyalty
7. perseverance
8. responsibility
9. self-discipline
10. work

bill bennet states that the first virtue is self-discipline. you can't do any of the other virtues if you can't master self-discipline. in my own self-evaluation, i feel like i have a lot to do to master this virtue. restraining desire is what maturity is all about.

maybe happiness is based on a person's mastery of self-discipline.

and to explain the picture: happiness is a journey, not a destination. so i guess i'm going with option number 2 and making the most of everyday, not just hoping to be happy when i am somewhere different.

jodi picoult's character, lewis, sums up the h=r/e equation on page 130:

"why hadn't he realized this before? everyone knew that if you divided reality by expectation, you got a happiness quotient. but when you inverted the equation-expectation divided by reality-you didn't get the opposite of happiness. what you got, lewis realized, was hope. pure logic: assuming reality was constant, expectation had to be greater that reality to create optimism. on the other hand, a pessimist was someone with expectations lower than reality, a fraction of dimishing returns. the human condition meant that number approached zero without reaching it-you never really completely gave up hope; it might come flooding back at any provocation. someone who was happy would have little need to hope for change. but, conversely, an optimistic person was that way because he wanted to believe in something better than his reality. lewis started wondering if there were expections to the rule: if happy people might be hopeful, [and] if the unhappy might have given up any anticipation that things might get better."

maybe self-discipline is acting on a hope. maybe hope and self-discipline make their own equation:

hope+self-discipline=happiness

that is all.

and on a totally different note, today marks the day that eric and my parents embraced technology. yay for texting and blogging! haha...

come back to bed

DAI:

SOTD: lovely tonight by joshua radin
WIKI: relax in bed

if it was possible, i would either buy this house, or design a room exactly like this picture. this is amazing-the colors, the shapes, the windows, the prints, the accessories, everything. im a huge fan. and i love that the bed is on the floor-perfect!

leo suggests change

DAI:

SOTD: surely we can change by david crowder band
WIKI: follow step 5

11.11

DAI:

SOTD: sitting, waiting, wishing by jack johnson
WIKI: like wishing? try stars!

spin for time

DAI:

SOTD: a little more time by zox
WIKI: bored? just spin!

so im not quite sure what i think of having expectations. i think they are good if they are meant for motivation toward success, but lately i have been so disappointed by having failed expectations. i feel like if i avoid making expectations, i will be less likely to be disappointed.

that is my rant.

oh and the characters in this picture are actually real people. i am the girl who is spinning. and i always wish there was more time in this world with the people i love, especially a certain boy.

so i'll just forever spin...

keys please

DAI:

SOFD: losing keys by jack johnson
WIKI: track your keys

umbrella tree

DAI:

SOTD: umbrella by postal service
WIKI: umbrella prank

documentary

DAI:

SOTD: a movie script ending by death cab for cutie
WIKI: make a silent movie

this is all i need for mine.

three f's

DAI:

SOFD: when she's near by fiction family
WIKI: cake in a mug

today was pretty uneventful, except for a couple incidents at work.

first, one little boy decided to bite another little girl. oops. lets just say his parents were not very happy when they picked him up.

second, i left the building and got about a half-mile away before i realized i had left the back door unlocked, so i turned around and went back. When i got there, all the fences were locked so i had to climb over and then went and locked the back door. epic. and i even made it back in time for dinner.

yesterday was my day off, so i drove to cafe ladro in downtown kirkland where i had the best foam ever on my vanilla latte. i did my devotions while sitting in behind the front window watching cars go by and pedestrians walk with their dogs. i had a conversation with a woman about the weather and the meter maids which is pretty personal for never meeting before. haha. after that, i continued to target where i bought amelie and the new fray cd (which is AMAZING btw). then after i got home, listened to the cd, and ate some cheesecake, i bought fiction family which is totally amazing too! jon foreman and sean watkins join together to produce some beautiful melodies and meaningful lyrics. i would expect nothing less. another band i would recommend is a fine frenzy. sweet female vocals with airy and light verses. very relaxing.

oh and sometime, you should read searching for god knows what by donald miller. it has impacted my life in a big way. good stuff.

peace

-a girl

a grand list

this seems to be the thing to do, so...
25 things you may or may not know about me, and may or may not care to know.
i guess you're supposed to repost and tag 25 people??

1. when i was 5 or 6, i almost got dragged out in a riptide. thankfully my mom saved my life.

2. im going to school to be a teacher, but my dream job would be something in the arts: artist, working at an art studio, being a dance teacher, or something like that.

3. last wednesday i spend 15.5 hours in a tree.

4. i don't have a bike and i really need to get one.

5. one of my best life experiences was state track meet 04.

6. even with all my involvement in sports, i've never broken a bone or had a significant injury.

7. im going to run a marathon someday.

8. almost all the flowers i have ever gotten are dried and are hanging from my ceiling in my bedroom.

9. i keep all the fortune cookie fortunes i get.

10. chicken pot pies are amazing.

11. i live in seattle, but i love portland way times more.

12. after church searching, in seattle, i've started going to quest church, and in portland, eric and i have started going to imago dei.

13. if it weren't so cold, i would never wear socks.

14. i despise umbrellas. just wear a parka. or a hood. or a hat.

15. peanut butter and celery is one of my favorite snacks. mmm delish!

16. i have decoupaged close to 30 notebooks.

17. my favorite colors are purple and green.

18. i would really like to go on a hot air balloon.

19. it doesn't matter if im late or not, i still manipulate traffic to get places faster. i.e. i keep track of which roads have more lights, how long i have to make the light when the cross walk sign starts blinking, etc.

20. im one of the few people i know who actually wears a watch

21. i have a good sense of direction and can give good directions and quickly use a map.

22. in highschool, i got an almost perfect score on a spacial reasoning test.

23. now that i work in extended care, i despise playdough.

24. i love wearing skirts and scarves.

25. someday i hope to teach overseas.

free association

DAI (daily art image):

SOTD (song of the day): Ooh Ah by The Kooks
WIKI (wikihow): be creative

so i was reading a wikihow article on how to be creative and they recommended doing exercises each day to help get your creative juices flowing. the one i chose to do is called free association where i start with one word and then write down the first word that comes to mind in association with the word before.

start here: car
mazda
sequim
squish
costco
hot dogs
closed
drive
music
matt costa
road trip
california
mom
golden gate
fog
seattle
coffee
palio
hawthorne
theatre
slumdog millionaire
movie
failure
race
heat
thermochomatic
skirt
purple
gorilla
jane
disneyland
frantic
terrible
traffic
405
slow
sloth
animal
drums
nathan
extreme
running
england
elizabeth bennet
hero
will smith
ridiculous
homework
time
disappears
cloak
snuggie
hilarious
demetri
sneezes
earrings
port angeles
carly
laugh
entourage
rap
3OH!3
locket
american girl
past
pillow case
tie dye
summer
portland
bronx
accent
mizto ball
new
calendar
art
passion

in the beginning

these are some polaroids that were taken within the last year.
yeah.
there ya go.

on to bigger and better things...

so i have am sitting at my desk at school which i normally don't do. my desk is pretty messy and is probably the reason i don't use it that often.

list of things on my desk:
lamp
picture of lauren and i
my camera
eric's camera (oops)
a shirt im making for carly
my linguistics book
c.s lewis's the weight of glory
an american apparel shirt for eric-yeah it's a thermochromatic!!
color ink for my printer
an empty izze bottle
ariel chapstick
my cell phone
rings
receipts
coffee mug
ipod
current newspapers
burn after reading
more textbooks
mug with soup in it
sukie iron-on book
memory chip for a camera
scissors
camera case
schedule
purler bead flower (which is half on annie's desk)
a half of a chopstick
a bottle of orange paint
aaron's newsletter from china
a vitamin waterbottle
a picture of eric and i
a post-it note

anyway. amazing that i even have room for my computer...

i think that is all. mostly because i just remembered that burn after reading is due back today and i have to leave and get it there before midnight. fun stuff.

p.s. the fray's new album comes out in 11 days!