my happiness project

happiness print via etsy

happiness. 

i've been thinking about this word for a while now.

what does it mean?

how to i get it?

what is my happiness measured by?

am i happy?

a couple months ago, i read the new york times bestseller happiness project by gretchen rubin. basically, she divides the year into 12 months and works on improving a different area of her life during every month. i have been inspired to take on a similar project for 2012. yes, it might look like a glorified new years resolution, but i think there's more to it than meets the eye. i've realized after scrutinizing my life this past year, that there's a lot of things i'd like to improve on: 

marriage, health, spiritual life, finances, attitude, mindfulness, cleanliness, and relationships all make the list. basically, i'm realizing that i have lacked discipline this past year. and i believe that if i'm more disciplined, i will accomplish more, and thus, be happier and more content with my life.

while i've been thinking about this project, i was reminded of another book i read in high school called the celebration of discipline by richard foster. after i found it, i looked through the table of contents and was happy to see that the book was divided up into 12 spiritual disciplines: 

meditation, prayer, study, simplicity, service, confession, and worship are some of the chapters.

so for 2012, i'm embarking on my own happiness project. for me, the emphasis is learning discipline through having specific goals and following through daily/weekly/monthly with the tasks i've created to get there. here's my 12 month break down of my project thus far:

 month/happiness project/spiritual discipline

january: spirituality/meditation

february: vitality/prayer

march: marriage/fasting

april: cleanliness/study

may: finances/simplicity

june: mindfulness/solitude

july: friends/submission

august: leisure/service

september: attitude/confession

october: work/worship

november: family/guidance

december: happiness/celebration

have you been thinking about a new years resolution? if so, what? also, if any of you are interested in doing a happiness project or working through celebration of discipline, i'd love some company! let me know. :)   

right ones

in the last couple weeks, i've been reconnecting with people from my past and realizing how influential my relationships with certain people have been. 

it's amazing to reflect on the way i've positively grown and changed because of just one person.

and there's a lot of you out there.

one of my track coaches from high school volunteered to write me a recommendation letter for a job i'm applying for. when i read it, i was blown away by how he had so many positive things to say about me. 

this has made me more aware of how intentional i hope to be in my relationships with people. it's amazing how the little things really do matter.

i am so thankful for the friends i have. it almost seems absurd to know so many kind, genuine, intelligent, and wonderfully lovely people. 

listing all of you would take so long, but know that i have a million positive and awesome things to say about each and every one of you.

so thank you, to all of those who have chosen to be my friend and invest and love me through the years. i'm a better person because i've known you.

i'm so glad to know so many right ones.

grass is blue

you got so much love in you

you look the songs i've heard my whole life coming true

___________________________

i've been debating if this is gonna be one of those long rambling posts

kinda wanna just be short and sweet though

____________________________________

i've been in the process now trying to understand all the roles i have and what it means to stay true to myself while in the process of change and transition.

sometimes i laugh at my naivety:

thinking that "once i do ______, life will be easy/good/fulfilling."

for you newbies out there, it's never like this.

the grass is not greener, it's more blue or yellow.

every transition is different in it's own way, not always completely better.

 i guess i've been reality checking these days.

trying to find the sweet spot in life.

and i don't really know what it looks like yet

or have any idea how to start getting there.

 there's always improvements that i want to make

but the list goes on and on and on.

and this isn't to say that i'm not happy

because i am and could have an entire post dedicated to everything i'm thankful for. :)

but i am always looking to improve.

__________________________________________

it's never easy as it sounds,

but that's why we have a lifetime, ya?

ohthankgoodness.

<3

motivational speech

fear.

that im not good enough.

that i don't have enough experience.

that people won't like me.

that i'm not original enough.

ok, ok, ok, already.

so i need to stop looking here.

and start dreaming again.

and start imagining the possiblitites.

and start creating.

and drawing.

and sewing.

and reading things that make me think.

and taking time for myself.

i am growing.

i must keep up with myself.

and not miss out on the opportunities to explore.

and document my adventures and creations.

AND I WILL!

yes, of course, frank

lets fly, fly away...

"once i get you up there,
where the air is rarefied 

we'll just glide tarry eyed

once i get you up there

i'll be holding you so near

you may hear the angels cheer - just because we're together"

 

eric and i are continuing our annual tradition of flying on september 11 today.

last year, we flew home from new york at the end of our honeymoon.

today, eric flies to san fransisco for a work conference while i fly down to long beach to visit carly.

so very very happy.

but a little melancholy since its the 10 year anniversary of september 11.

all this week i've been listening npr and they have been airing remembrances and stories from that day. it's been something that sometimes i don't want to hear because usually it causes teary eyes, but i know that it's good for me to hear the memories from other people who were more affected that i. 

this morning already, we had a 30 seconds of silence in the airport to remember all those who served or died in the attacks. i'm so thankful for my country, for freedom, and i am thinking about all those whose lives were and still are affected from that day. 

 

and to those who have and are still serving and protecting, thank you. 

i still and will always remember.

 

the detangled beloved

lately, i've become a third person

above and outside, i try to peer in

but whenever i look, i see overgrown tangles

squelching a garden of beautiful passion

you see, i've been growing and changing and moving

forward, i think, but sometimes i can't tell

so i've been doing 

some thinking, 

some planning, 

some weeding

and i'm starting to see the light again

the glorious wonderful light

and my heart swells as autumn approaches

i feel the inspiration in my bones

my passion is rising

my calling seems clearer

and my love seems greater than ever before

no longer alone

no longer entangled

i look out toward my abba

and become the beloved

put me in, coach?

live intentionally.

this phrase has always seemed to be at the crux of my beliefs. a while ago, if you were to ask me how i rated myself on a scale of 1 to intentional, i probably would have said a 7 or 8. i really believed that i was being purposeful and genuine in most of the activities that i did.

lately, i've been re-evaluating myself on this scale and have been not-so-please with the results. maybe i'm at a 2? yeah, it's that bad. i could blame this on a variety of different situations and other factors, but for now, i'll just own it. i haven't been as disciplined or as motivated to do the things i know are right and good and lovely. not to say i'm doing bad things, but i'm just not doing purposeful things most of the time. is that ever a confession or what?

a lot of this has to do with change. moving to a new city, having a new and different job, being newly married, finishing school, and the like. there are a lot of adjustments i didn't anticipate, which i think has caused me to kind of pull back and inwards to just figure out where i am and what im doing and where and how im suppose to fit into this new time in my life.

for those who know me well, it's obvious why this is difficult for me. i like to know i have a plan and know for the most part what kind of outcomes i can expect. all four of the above situations have combined in such a way that i really have had very little control over what kind of things to expect. the other thing that has been hard is relationships. i thrive off of community and friendships and in moving to another city (which is only 20miles away) i didn't expect that the relationships i had there would be so difficult to maintain. also, new relationships have been harder for me to navigate than i expected, which surprises my outgoing myself.

although these last few months have been good, they've also been difficult. before august, i felt like i was at the pinnacle of my life as an individual. i had accomplished a lot and was really quite proud of those accomplishments. after i got married, my A game felt like it went to a C, but in a good way.

god has really been humbling me these last few months. but it has been really annoying sometimes when i feel like i just can't get anything right and i can't seem to be the person i know god wants me to be. i know that through this rough patch, god is shaping me more into his likeness, but it's been feeling like he's had to pull apart a lot to put me back together better...

thankfully, god has supplied me with some stellar people to gain wisdom and experience from. in this time of change, i've been really challenged by my friends k&l. i honestly have not met more intentional people in my entire life (besides maybe my parents, so that's saying something). their love for jesus just seems pure and uninhibited. every time i am around them im inspired to pay better attention to other people's needs and live more simply and genuinely. the lifestyle they live pretty much rocks my world and i hope to someday be the kind of people they are.

i'm also thankful for my bff c. she's been with me through the beautiful, the ugly, and the tears, and still loves me and encourages me everyday to love jesus more and make him my foundation. i just wish jesus would make our paths cross more often (she lives too far away). :)

this year, i've also got this pretty freaking fantastic guy who i get to live life with everyday and we love each other a billion balloons. eric never gives up on me. even when i am super annoying and tickle and poke him to get him to wake up in the morning or when i'm sweaty after a run and he still gives me a hug, or when im having a pity party and he has major grace with me. yup, he's pretty great.

as much as i know how much god has blessed me these past months, i'm also ready to get back in the game. jesus, i'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and im ready to play again.

put me in, coach?

<3

bloom in the early hours

restless, i wander
ceaseless, my worries

i slip my fingers into the grain
feeling texture graze my skin
hoping the repetition brings me peace

oh hollow friend, you would wallflower my work
but i grasp the tiny kernels, breathing the pungent air

i work, but not endlessly
for the joys of labor are found in the toil

i climb the grassy hills in the early morn
and rest as rays of sun peak over the horizon

love, save the empty
fill the restless wanderers
strengthen the weak
bloom in the early hours of dawn

everyday im shuffling

i just love awkward photobooth pictures.

hey all!
it's been i don't know how long since my last blog.
let's just say that this last semester of school took precedent over all the fun parts of my life. :)
but as of this week, i can add a huge life check mark in the school box: done with my bachelors! woot!
so now, i'm back to reality and fun!

this morning marked another big start of a life goal:
starting training for the portland marathon.

but we'll get back to that in a min. first, i must admit that i would be happy if i could repeat mornings like this for the rest of my life.
1)woke up at 6am without an alarm.
2) looked over at my sweet husband next to me.
3) had good jesus time.
4) ran 3.5 miles.
5) had epic playlists of music for run/shower time.
6) ate granola.
7) was ready to go before 8am.
8) eric made me a second yummy breakfast. :)
even the shower was cooperative this morning and didn't go all temperature ballistic on me. (and i swear that my towel was even still warm from the dryer last night!)

comments on the run...

fivefingers look uncomfortable and awkward, but im a believer.

fivefingers will make you have awesome calves. i know this because my calves were like rubber at the end of my run (no pain, no gain, ya?). eric and i might be having a small competition on who has better calves, so this gives me a one up. :)

don't run by slappy cakes on a run. the wafting of fried bacon this will make you awkwardly salivate as you run by people waiting at bus stops.

end every run with party rock anthem by lmfao. seriously. i was pretty much sprinting around extra blocks near our apartment because the beats in the song are so catchy. yes please!

i just want to give my body a super awesome high five for such an awesome performance after 5 months of not working out. i was pretty skeptical of being able to run even 1 mile.
(i will be feeling it tomorrow morning...)

now that i'm done with school, i also have some serious party planning to catch up on. my darling cousin emily is coming over today so we can discuss baby shower ideas. also in cue are a few weddings that i'm helping out with. lots of crafting happening this spring makes me so happy!

hope you are all doing awesome! are you starting any new projects/goals this spring?

what up!

i've been sitting on my couch for hours now trying to type out this paper.
the confinement and isolation of discipline is wearing me down.
i am ready to run for miles.
i will hike a mountain.
i want to sew or paint or dance or laugh.
i will even resort to scrubbing or mopping or cleaning.
anything besides staring at this screen.
so i take a break to to something mildly creative
and write some words to express myself
instead of typing out right words for a dictated format
school, i'm bending for you, but too much more and i will break.
but HA!
4 more little weeks
and the suppressed creativity will bloom once again.

and once i get my diploma, i will definitely be repeating the following:

followed with many of these:

WHAT UP!

also, sweet sweet spring!
(well, technically wet wet spring)
i am hoping the sun comes out soon so i can:
photography spring lovelies
start my spring cleaning
spend some time making the projects on my art list
go picnicing
wear summer clothes

what summer activites are you looking forward to?

the prescription is...

good morning all.
the weekend brought was brought in with a fever and exited with leaving me at the mercy of a hacking cough. no fun. but it was just what the doctor ordered because last week i was volcanoing to eric about how my weekend's keep getting eaten up by little things that pop up. so the minute the fever hit, i called and canceled everything. phew! so i ended up having a slow weekend, trying to recover, but during my down time, i worked to try and chip away at the loads of homework and studying that has gone by the wayside these last few weeks. which brings me to the start of my spring break. i met it with lots of throat lozenges and some pretty sunflowers that eric got me a week ago.

husband, 1. thank you for pretty flowers! 2. sorry for keeping you up last night.

so i don't know exactly what sickness has come over me, but there have been sicknesses floating around that are being called things like "bronchitis" and "pneumonia" and "strep throat" so i really hope i find favor with my white blood cells very very soon. in the mean time, i will keep doing my whole
water.tea.advil.smoothie.dave's bread.water.homework.yummy meal.water.sleep.repeat
thing until i feel better.

3. dave's bread is my new food splurge item-yum! 4. eric prescribed lush to me as a way to get better. yes please!

i am very much looking forward to a bath with my new lush bath bombs. i got avobath and butterball and they smell delicious! well, with that to look forward to, i should probably buckle down and kick out some homework!

p.s. here's a list of girly things that i am looking forward after i buy new tires for my car (boo!) and get done with school:

1. a shopping date with myself
2. a date with sarahanne
3. a new hair cut
4. expanding my etsy site
5. cleaning out my closet
6. redesigning my blog

booya!

sea breeze memories

there was a happy time...

when i snuggled in the blue chair
at the beach
with my family
sea breeze floating through my hair
breathing salt air
dreams of freedom were easy and near
pennies flattened by trains
marionberry ice cream
waking up early with daddy
driving to the bakery to purchase
maple bars for breakfast
sand castles and licorice
mom eating sunflower seeds
marshmallows stuck all over my face
beach grass and drift wood playgrounds
daddy making us beach forts
flying kites
swinging and tree climbing
cornbread and chili
pancakes and bacon
smothered in maple syrup
falling asleep to mom and dad
reading me little golden books
beach house perfection

while i snuggle into my couch
sipping good earth
i now dream of that place
so dear to my heart
i put away my chills and sickness
for the thought of someday
recreating the magic
of that beloved place
with my sweet husband
for little ones of our own.
<3

do you daydream like this too?

preferably sunday

DAI:

i smell like chlorine.
my eyelids are tired.
i drank a carafe of water.
go away cold.
i listened to blues tonight.
it was refreshing.
i sleep soon.
and wake up early.
i love my husband.
and miss my family.
i need a new day.
preferably sunday.

hammer pants and summer hats

DAI:

last week, eric and i went down to california to go to disneyland.
bonus for me, cause i got to hang out with my best friend for 5 days!
carly and i were really into our hats (which i promised to blog about here), so we took some pictures documenting them and some our favorite outfits. im not normally the type to document my fashion because most of the time, you'd see me in a northface/jeans/toms combo, but im making my debut in today's post.

i am always so happy with how minolta film pictures turn out!
and if you are into my princess jasmine/mc hammer pants, you can find them here.

here's to looking foward to summer!

week of mondays

DAI:

someday i want a cute mail box.
and hopefully people that will send me pretty mail.

(this has been a week of mondays. ew.)
today's been gray.
sickness, tests, and balancing work and life.
it's been a stretch to see past the rain and wind.
but hopefully i'll start seeing the sun shining through.
very very soon.

saturday, i am looking forward to you.

jmc

DAI:

this is my brother who just totally rocked my day.

um so if you ever want a blog written about you and how awesome and thoughtful and just generally freaking fantastic you are, here the formula:
figure out when i'm the most stressed and sick and miserable, then send me a text like this:

"hey! just thought i'd let you know that you are pretty much my favorite person ever (seriously) and i love you and you are super fantastic and creative, and everything you do is cool. it's rad that we are siblings [write this only if applies], and i love you. just thought i'd let you know...lol."

yup, this just in: i have the best brother in the world.

<3

off on vacation!

DAI:

good morning earlies!

last year at some point i was sitting at pdx early in the morning on my way to california to visit my bff carly. this morning is much the same, although i have a tag-a-long for the trip: my darling husband eric.

im so happy to be in this airport, which is by far the greatest airport in america. end of story. currently, i am using FREE wifi and listening to a live guitarist play me pretty melodies. seriously.
best.airport.ever.

in other news, i found these next few images on ffffound.com and couldn't help but feel inspired to dress a tad more americana than i normally do.


cute little cartigan

girly ruffle skirt

stripes

and a pair of classy flats

and i got this great hat the other day that would finish an outfit like this perfectly. maybe i'll get a picture up of it soon.

good day to all!

our first very merry valentine's day

so eric and i had a mini vacay this valentine's day weekend...but only sorta.

saturday:
no computer day.
so we wondered around the 500sq ft of our apartment for a while...
then i crafted and he worked for fun (but technically work worked).
sunday:
we slept in and then watched movies
while eric worked and i crafted.
monday:
eric woke up with a cold. i took him to work. i changed my name. (finally!)
then i stopped by my mom and my mother-in-law's houses to drop off valentines (and got some lovely daffodils and rhubarb bread in the process!) :)
then i picked up eric early from work. and we went to world market and got a whole bunch of lovely things:

(yes that is chili lime and strawberry champagne dark chocolate!)

(i just can't get over how pretty this pasta is!)
but then we decided we were too lazy to cook any food...
so we ordered chinese takeout. yummm.

and then we sat back and put on saraha.
all in all:
a
very
merry
valentine's day