Wednesday, November 19, 2008

evolution of music

it seems like every fall i have some theme song that i tend to live by or some albums that have greatly influenced my life at the time.

although it's been a while back, i can still remember about the last four years and it kinda signifies how i've grown as an individual. the lyrics in most of these songs mirror the way i felt when i went through different stuff. anyway, here it goes...

FALL 2005:

keane-hopes and fears
death cab for cutie-plans
the fray-how to save a life

someday you will be loved-death cab
we might as well be strangers-keane
everybody's changing-keane
look after you-the fray
how to save a life-the fray

FALL 2006

john mayer-room for square
jack johnson-in between dreams
augustana-stars and boulevards
matt costa-songs we sing
joshua radin-we were here

love song for no one-john mayer
yellow taxi-matt costa
winter-joshua radin
fall away-the fray

FALL 2007

mae-the everglow
across the universe soundtrack
timmy curren-word of mouth
indoor picnic music vol. 1&2

steer-missy higgins
hard times-eastmountiansouth
something-jim sturgess
after your heart-phil wickham
back in your head-tegan & sara
green eyes-coldplay

FALL 2008

coldplay-viva la vida
the gabe dixon band-self titled
the maccabees-colour it in
natalie portman's shaved head-glistening pleasure

death and all his friends-coldplay
toothpaste kisses-the maccabees
sophisticated side ponytail-n.p.s.h.
lovely tonight-joshua radin
the night starts here-stars
5 years time-noah and the whale
violet hill-coldplay
free ride-nick drake
you remind me-andy shauf
can't go back-the weepies

there you have it. hopefully i'll keep it updated so you can all share in my love for good music.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

this is our day today

today i left for work almost an hour early so i could have some time to drive and clear my head and listen to some music. as i shuffled through my ipod, i realized it was a matt costa day. i began with cold december which hit the spot immediately. halfway through the cd i came across a song called these arms...the first verse was fine, but then he sang the chorus which goes like this...

this is our day today
can you find the way back to these arms
this is our day today
won't you find the way back to these arms

and my heart sank.

there are a pair of physical arms that i want to find a way back to all the time...
and that's really hard to deal with...

but more importantly, there are spiritual arms that seemed to call this out to me...
"ellen, won't you find your way back to my arms?"
i felt like Jesus himself were sitting right there asking me this.
i felt like He was sad.
and i felt sad too.
cause it's been about time that i get real with Him again.

and reader, i'm going to be honest.
and this is hard cause so often i would rather just have people think i'm doing great.
why? that's an entirely other conversation...
but yes, here it is, it's out on the table for all to see:

school is not what i thought it would be.
i'm starting to check out.
i'm struggling with my devos.
i haven't been very social.
i haven't gotten involved.
and i'm homesick on top of it all.

everyday i honestly wish that the day would go by faster just so the next day will go by faster so i can get home sooner.

and i know this isn't what it's suppose to be like.
and i know that it's my own fault for not applying myself.

i just had to be straight with my abba today.
these next 3 years are probably gonna some of the most difficult years of my life.
here's why:
1. i have to get through school (and im not very fond of school)
2. i have to make a foreign place my home.
3. i have to wait to be with eric.

i told God i was sad. i told him i was not sure i could do this. i told him i didn't like this.

and then what popped into my head?

joy. joy? JOY?!?!?! in the midst of trails?
of course...gross.

i decided i need an attitude adjustment.

so this blog gets more personal. more honest.

this was my prayer:

dear Lord,
this is what i'm asking. you know me better than anyone ever. you know my weaknesses & strengths, so Lord, prune me. cut out my weaknesses. i know its not gonna be easy, but following you isn't always easy. refine me. whatever you want me to go through to get me more like you want me, please do it.
i surrender.
i want to find a way back to your arms.
and i'm sorry for holding out on you this last week or so...
love, ellen

so it seems like this note is pretty depressing.
but it's not suppose to be.
i feel like i triumphed today.
i got something right.
He spoke. i responded.
now i need to act.

this life doesn't get easier does it?... :)

and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
-Romans 5:2b-5

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. and let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
-Hebrews 10:22-26

therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great could of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set for us. let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for teh joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-Hebrews 12:1-2

Monday, October 27, 2008

things we've learned while living in the dorms

1. don't brush your hair in the dorm room unless you feel like gathering chewbacca off the floor.
2. line your garbage can.
3. take out the garbage.
4. don't bring fruit into the room.
5. don't eat hardboiled eggs every day.
6. air fresheners are 97 cents at walmart.
7. don't buy 2 loaves of bread at the same time.
8. gas needs to be expelled outside the room.
9. label your room, it makes it seem bigger. (eg. bedroom, living room, etc.)
10. avoid "meat surprise" in the cafe.
11. mashed potatoes are always a must.
12. avoid at all cost puss pudding.
13. shower parties are fun (in a very A.G. way)
14. expect to hear about sex at least once a day in class.
15. the heater smells like dust and dirty socks.
16. don't be afraid to tell your neighbors to shut up and 2am in the morning.
17. take appropriate measures when the small orange cone appears.
18. learn to love idaho and the many blessings he brings (aka gummy bears).
19. bottled water! tap water is murky...
20. procrastination is key.
21. the #1 way to not spend money: don't leave campus. ever.
22. go to bed early.
23. movie nights make you feel better about life.
24. if you need to study, the balcony is the place to do it.
25. make friends with the people who live above you.
26. decorate your walls so you don't feel like you live in a hospital.
27. designate a poop stall.
28. as long as you have enough underwear to last until you go home, there's no need to do laundry.
29. keep shoes in a sealed box.
30. there's no need to get your hair cut when you can have a dormmate cut it in the bathroom.
31. open the shades in the dorm room at least once a day.
32. when gone from the dorm room, leave the window open.
33. granola and yogurt is a good meal anytime of the day.
34. invite people to come over and take you out for dinner.
35. clean out the fridge regularly.
36. load up on food on trips home.
37. youtube is your new best friend.
38. background music a must.
39. dance parties are always acceptable.
40. its ok to leave ridiculous (and scandalous) messages on your white board.
41. sharpie tattoos look almost as cool as real ones.
42. sweatpants are legit attire any day.
43. rearrange your room often.
44. don't be afraid to be late to class.
45. shaving your legs is overrated.
46. working out in the hallways helps others do the same.
47. seal sweaty clothes immediately.
48. don't plug more than 4 things into surge protectors.
49. looking at engagement rings is an acceptable way to pass time. (haha janelle!!)
50. roomies get lots of love!!

this list was compiled by annie and ellen.

we were inspired after we left to go on a starbucks run, then got 3 blocks, realized we could make coffee our room, so we turned around and came back and saved ourselves seven dollars. yay us! *high five* !!!

and i miss you all back home!! and in minnesota and wherever else you all are!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

synthetic rubber and hot yoga

i have been chewing gum for an hour and my mind is done with this piece of tasteless synthetic rubber, but my teeth cannot stop. this is an un-enjoyable situation.

i have been at school now for 22 days now...

between bouncing from classes to hanging out with new friends, from homework to exploring the greater seattle area, i have been super busy and having a lot of fun.

and as a new legal adult, i have not taken advantage of my age...yet...and i probably won't.

on tuesday, eric and i were sitting outside a bagel place in kirkland, enjoying each other and our outrageously good bagels, and i glanced to my left and saw a man, wearing nothing but spandex shorts, standing outside in this small courtyard of a building complex dumping out a water bottle on top of his head and rubbing himself down. it was one of the most awkward things i have seen. eric and i laughed because it was so funny. and then this guy continued by sitting down by this fountain and just chilled. i felt bad. i think he may have come out of the Hot Yoga building. oh man... i'm going to create a power point on margaret wise brown.
and then study for my lifespan psych test.


love ya all!

Monday, August 11, 2008

2 weeks notice

the countdown begins my friends...

one) im super excited for this new chapter in my life! i get to meet tons of new people and take classes that actually interest me. i'll be in a new town, so i'll have a lot of exploring to do...i think that God is definitely gonna use this transition to grow me, and while i am kinda nervous about that, i can't wait to see how he's gonna use me and grow me while im away at school...


two) sometimes i feel as though im not ready to leave this place yet. here is where i know everything, every person, every confortable. im not ready to leave my family and my friends gonna miss everyone so much...


three) i know that here will not be forgotten :) ill be coming home a lot...i still have a family and a boyfriend and lots of friends here. and it's only 3hrs that means that you should come and visit me too!


this summer has been amazing!
probably one of my favorite summers so far...
i've hiked a bunch (thanks eric!)
went to the beach house 2x (will be 3x!)
made cupcakes
went to seattle
celebrated emily's, jamie's, and dana's birthdays!
ski camp
worked...a lot...and went to lots of parks with the twins :)
went to portland a lot...
carly visited:
-bought awesome sunglasses
-got northface jackets :)
-tie dyed shirts
-olive garden!
-went to powells, 23rd, rei!
made masks with anne
took eric on an awesome birthday scavenger hunt
6am morning prayer
went to papa hyden's for stephanie's birthday :)
made thai food
went to olive garden with anne!
took amazing pictures with eric and stephanie...
had amazing adventures with eric and stephanie...
celebrated nathan's 19th birthday
had awesome awakenings!
went to starbucks a lot!!
had some awesome times listening to music in my car with tori!
watched movies (dark knight..)
had many late nights
made a ton of s'mores and boogers
and so much more!!!

and with the 2 weeks left...
i'll be...
stargazing (meteor shower!!)
girls nighting
sequiming (hopefully!!)
hanging...with eric a lot :)
trying to see everyone before i leave-ing!

love you guys!

and my birthday is in a month from this coming saturday! woo!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

make me happy

1. eating a kiwi in 3 bites.
2. painting rooms and furniture.
3. the smell outside after it rains.
4. wearing clothes straight out of the dryer.
5. driving by myself in my car with music up loud.
6. one word: scarfs!!
7. books about traveling.
8. making crazy faces for pictures.
9. anything vanilla scented.
10. having a full tank of gas.
11. playing an intense game of soccer.
12. trick kites :)
13. eating peanut butter by the spoonfuls (in moderation, of course).
14. chai tea lattes!
15. s'mores.
16. <3
17. good music; especially good playlists.
18. reminiscing.
19. art projects: collaging, painting, coloring, etc.
20. using the hot glue gun.
21. finding money in my pockets.
22. seeing random people doing funny things.
23. getting lost in the moment.
24. wearing awesome shoes.
25. my devo journal.
26. detailing my car.
27. inside jokes.
28. running when its cool/raining outside.
29. sunrises/sunsets
30. late summer nights
31. my pillow
32. window shopping for my future house.
33. using sweet mugs.
34. eating cool new foods.
35. old pictures.
36. getting a lot accomplished in a day.
37. free time/being able to be spontaneous.
38. dried flowers (well, i guess i like alive flowers too :P)
39. surprising people.
40. seeing others be happy.
41. green lights.
42. hand written letters.
43. parks.
44. arizona iced tea.
45. clean rooms.

Friday, June 13, 2008

my castle, my garden

so many things that i want to address
but i cannot help but digress
just share
just share
slowly they slip out here and there
"but do you really think that people care?"
"it's not important, no big deal."
"but i just want to be real!"

stop this, you! you wretched fiend!
you smiled and then intervened
and tried to be a most honest friend
to which i quickly did befriend.

deceiving, lying, trying to conceal
all these feelings i want to reveal.
why did i choose to believe you?
it's such an easy thing to do.
i buy your lies and take them home
caring much too deeply for weeds that want to roam.
and roam they do, spreading deep.
i pay a price that's far from cheap.
the roots they lie and grow beneath
choking life, i have no relief.

but up on top, yes, above the ground
everything is safe and sound.
i smile and wave and try to ignore
the suffocation of my core.

someday maybe it will rain
and help wash all this dirt away
(or at least it might stop the pain
hopefully for at least a day).

i wait
i wait
for someone, something to guide me straight
please come soon, it's getting late.
not one more night, not one more day,
i want you here and here to stay.
"don't fear
don't fear
my darling, i'm near."
i ache and i strain for a listening ear.
be tender, be kind
i'll show you inside
my castle, my garden
is where i reside.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

rancid son of a parallelogram

so i haven't written anything in a while....


so i was reading this book today to the girls i nanny and there was this part where the villian is called...

get ready for this...

"that yellow-bellied, snake-blooded, skunk-eyed, rancid son of a parallelogram!"

now, i know you might not think this is very funny, but i thought it was hilarious! i mean, you know that now somehow i'm going to find a way to call someone a rancid son of a parallelogram. and it will be amazing. and i will post another blog just to tell you how it goes.

in other news, this is my last week of school at clark, then i have finals next week. woohoo! i am very very very excited to be done at clark! for those of you who don't already know, i will be transferring up to northwest university in kirkland, wa to major in elementary education. yay!

well, reader, i hope you enjoyed this blog (although it was kind of pointless).


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

childhood nostalgia

4108 Spruce Street.

That's where I grew up.

It was an older house-probably built in the 1940s. All the houses in the neighborhood kind of looked the same with some subtle differences.

The house was cream colored with green trim and there was a tiny one-car garage on the left side of the house that was used to store a variety of things as well as an '48 Buick convertible. There were three levels to the house: a basement (which was dank and scary until the remodel), the main floor (with very small rooms and a hallway kitchen), and an upstairs (which was where my room was located). It was a decent sized room compared to the size of the house. It had a lock on the door that could only be opened by a skeleton key, which was really cool when I was little. The walls were slanted like an a-frame and there was one lonely window across from the door. I loved this window. Many late summer nights I would open my window and stare out into the stars, dreaming and thinking about what life would be like when I was older. I wished upon those stars as long lonesome trains blew their horn in the distance. Life was simple in that room: dress up, sleepovers, reading Boxcar Children, making forts, and then at the end of the day, being tucked in by my mom and dad.

My brother and I and played outside a lot when we lived at that house. Our backyard was not very big, but it was big enough for a small above ground pool (in which most every day in the summer was spent making whirl pools), a very rickety old swing set (you know, the kind that when you swing so hard, you feel like you might just swing off the set), and a tree (which was great for climbing). But the majority of the time we played in our front lawn because it connected with our neighbors yard and they let us use it as well so there was twice as much space. Freeze tag, soccer games, catch, lemonade stands, and a slew of other activities were conducted in this yard. I remember learning how to ride my bike on the street in front of that yard. And I played with all sorts of fun toys that seem so foreign to me now: skip-its, chalk, pogo sticks, hula hoops, Frisbees, and other things like that. I'm pretty sure that I jumped 348 times on my pogo stick without falling off (yes, i remember that because it was kind of a big deal).

My house was on a horseshoe street, which is sort of like a cul-de-sac, but it loops all the way around like a U shape. My neighbors were mostly retired couples, with the exception of one and sometimes two families who had kids. (The house next door to the left of us was a rental house, so many different families came and went during the time that we were at the house.)

Myrna lived across the street in a single level mint green house with white trim. She was a nice Catholic widow who always sent us birthday cards with a one-dollar bill hidden inside. Whenever we visited, she always gave us gumdrops, which was a very special treat. (To this day, she still sends us birthday cards, a one-dollar bill always falls out, and I still have a hard time reading her cursive handwriting).

Betty and Clem lived in the house to the right of ours. It was a dark brown house and just as dark inside. They smoked and weren't very friendly to me and my brother, but they were nice enough to let us play on their front lawn and retrieve balls that landed in their back yard.

Neil and Fiona lived four to the left of us in a bright white house. If there had been a competition for the nicest yard in the neighborhood, theirs would have won by far. Roses, a perfectly manicured lawn, and many other trees, shrubs, and flowers were abundant and, of course, all labeled. Fiona always promised me she'd teach me how to make a daisy chain, but it never happened.

The only other kids on the street who happened to be my favorite neighbors were Nikki and Staci Harrington. They lived on the other side of Betty and Clem in a cheery blue house. Even though they were a few years older than my brother and I, they still participated in adventures with us.

Fall was my favorite time of year, mostly because every street in our entire neighborhood was lined with maple trees. The leaves would be every shade of yellows, oranges, and reds, which made for a magnificent view out of our front window. Dad used to rake the leaves into huge piles and then let us jump in them. I loved that.

Fall was also soccer season. One year, our home field was at Lincoln Elementary School which was about a two minute bike ride away from our house on Spruce Street. Soccer was definitely a highlight of every year for me. Even now, I can still recall the way those huge gray jersey's hung over my shoulders, so big that three of me could fit inside it with room to spare. I would stand out in the field and inhale the smell of the freshly cut grass every Saturday. About an hour later, smelly, grass-stained, mud-covered me would jump on my bike and race my dad home.

My best friend, Stephanie, lived on 41st Avenue which was about 2 streets north of where I lived. We used to be able to walk to each other's house, but we had to meet half way because our mothers were always concerned something would happen to us...but nothing ever did. I spent many afternoons over at her house, playing in her attic with dolls and other things. Sometimes, her parents would let us come with them when they walked down the street to play tennis at the courts at Lincoln Elementary School. That was always a treat.

My dad liked to take my brother and I on bike rides. At a very young age, I was familiar with the streets in my neighborhood. My favorite bike ride was when we would ride over to Frankin Park. Its playground consisted of a metal play structure that was covered in graffiti and had some really fast slides. They had swings there too, but I mostly remember the big field. The park overlooked the train tracks and Vancouver Lake and in the evenings, the view of the sunset from that park was amazing. At the bottom edge of the park, there were blackberry and raspberry bushes. My dad would always take us down there in the summers and we would eat lots of berries before we went home.

Sometimes, on very rare occasions, we would all ride down to the minute mart and dad and mom would let us buy candy. Usually afterwards, we road down and played hide-and-go-seek in Carter Park or sometimes go play at the jungle gym in Hidden Park. I liked Carter Park more because it had one of those carousel discs that you could spin around and around on until you felt like puking. (I'm not saying I liked puking, but it was one of the more scary things to do in a community park, which made me feel cooler.)

At the end of every day, we would come home to our sweet little house on Spruce Street. I don't live in that house anymore, but sometimes I go back and drive by it. It's still the same. Same trees, the same pool still sitting in the back yard, same stripes painted in the dining room. I really enjoyed growing up in that house and in that neighborhood. Revisiting the house makes the memories I made there all the more vivid and alive.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

never speak

i regret at least 50% of the things that come out of my mouth.

why is it so important to talk?

i don't know...attention, security, power?

i don't want it. i would rather listen...

or just be mute or something...

it would save me a lot of grief and frustration.

john mayer puts is perfectly,

"im never speaking up again,
it only hurts me...
i'd rather be a mystery..."

if only...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


i read this in "bird by bird" by anne lamont and i loved it:

"perfection is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist's true friend."

for those who know me well, you know why i appreciate this quote so much.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


here i am.
at a point were i bring myself low.
i hate where i am.
i live selfishly and i don’t even care.

there are people starving.
there are people without a home.
there are people naked.
there are people being beaten for loving Jesus.
there are people hurting.


what kind of sick human being am i?
where is the love?

maybe i should try it.
try living without.
without electronics.
without a car.
without money.
how would that be?
would it change me?
could You change me?

i can’t do this by myself.
i need You and i need others.
i want to be challenged.
i need to be changed.
i need a spiritual spring cleaning.
but i really just want to get dirty.
i want to be used.

this is my prayer
and my ultimate desire:

i will follow wherever you lead me
wherever you are underneath these stars is where i wanna be
and i will lay it down, this old life of mine
i leave behind all the things of the world just to follow you

i’ll be strong and courageous
i’ll live my life for You, my only King
’cause You’re my God through all the ages
here am i, i am Yours, send me

when i fall down and I’m broken
when i stumble on the rocks and lose my way
i will cling to Your eternal love
when i’m weak You come to me, You give me strength

i will follow wherever you lead me
wherever you are underneath these stars is where i want to be

here am i, i am yours, send me
here am i, i am yours, send me

(strong by audio adrenaline)

is there anybody out there?
does anybody care?
are the people really there?
is there anybody seeking?
does anybody see?
or are they deaf and dumb like me?

Friday, March 28, 2008

give me pollyanna, the game, and lemonade

today started off not so hot.

i’m going on a road trip with anne next week and we’re leaving on sunday.

unfortunately, my car has been in the shop all this week and i found out that it won’t be ready till next week sometime.

so basically i have to take my dad’s car, of which i am not fond of one ounce.

my mom told me that i should read pollyanna.

and seeing as it was less than 200 pages, i conceded.

so i read the whole thing, and now am blessed with a much better attitude because i played "the glad game."

i won’t explain it here though, because it would be better for you to read the book to understand it.

but there was a certain passage that stood out to me while i read:

what men and women need is encouragement. their natural resisting powers should be strengthened, not weakened...instead of always harping on a man’s faults, tell him of his virtues. try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. hold him up to his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out!...the influence of a beautiful, helpful, hopeful character is contagious, and may revolutionize a whole town...people radiate what is in their minds and in their hearts. if a man feels kindly and obliging, his neighbours will feel that way, too, before long. but if he scolds and scowls and criticizes--his neighbours will return scowl for scowl, and add interest!...when you look for the bad, expecting it, you will get it. when you know you will find the good--you will get that...

this is a topic that our college group has been discussing lately.

one that is so easy to say, "yeah that’s the right thing to do," but hard to actually do.

i think i shall try to play the game this time.

and this time, wholeheartedly.

p.s. after pollyanna, i have concluded that it would be better to go on my roadtrip with the car that i don’t like, than to not go on the roadtrip at all.

i chose lemonade.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

roasted apples on dewlite mornings

it has recently been discovered in a scientific study that sunday afternoons are the opportune time to write blogs.

not the opportune time to dump your car in a bog. like in psycho.

tori just stuck a pillow up the back of my sweatshirt and called me "pregnant backwards."
if that isn’t somewhat awkward, i don’t know what is.


things we daydream about:
1. how im going to decorate my dorm room next fall.
2. getting a tan.
3. what it would be like at a different school.
4. how myspace would survive without avid bloggers like ellen.
5. how far away i could get from here in a day.
6. how to construct a robot in the sky.
7. how most of the female population would look without an electric outlet.
8. living in indonesia.
9. what i would look like bald.
10. having a soundtrack playing to my life.
11. driving my own car.
12. how long i could rollerblade until my wheels were gone.
13. never having to shave my legs again.
14. being in a movie and doing my own stunts.
15. keeping my fish alive for more than a month.

favorite songs
1. harder, better, faster, stronger-daft punk
2. wonderboy-tenacious D
3. our song-taylor swift
4. here comes a special boy-freezepop
5. so much love-the rocket summer
6. wannabe-spice girls
7. maneater-nelly fertado
8. monday-aol
9. you dance-eastmountainsouth
10. everything-michael buble
11. here in the middle-haley
12. hey jude-the beatles
13. my stupid mouth-john mayer
14. international harvester-craig morgan
15. gold digger-kayne west

15 ways to fill up time in vancouver:
1. walk the columbia river boardwalk
2. drive to the end of a country road (frenchman’s bar)
3. go to walmart and make a box of fun
4. decoupage
5. make music videos
6. go snowboarding
7. flamingo people
8. go to the beach/surf
9. cart racing at winco
10. muchas gracias
11. go to portland
12. hike on a trail
13. bike ride/rollerblade
14. bowling at big al’s
15. go to random awesome parks: franklin, esther short, hidden, big red, wintler, carter...

3 on the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over.
i’m not a roller.

all these lists were a collaboration from emily, ellen, and victoria.

we hope your read was pleasurable.

oh and happy easter.

(we just got done with an easter egg hunt. it was amazing!)

peace out.

p.s. i should add that each of us contributed 5 of the 15 items on the lists above. figuring out which one of us added which 5 is up to you.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

snakes and superpowers

ah today was amazing!

well, actually, it kinda sucked then got better...

1. i got rear-ended. but it’s all good.
2. i rescheduled one of my finals!!
3. i think i did relatively decent on my math exam.
4. went to work.
4. took sophie and taegen down to salmon creek.
5. found garden snakes and held them so the girls could touch them. (it was awesome!)
6. now i’m sitting in my room listening to nathan play the new bridge to i use my superpowers (it’s so good!!)
7. then i have awana, youth group, and then...
8. i’m going to eric’s to watch the matrix!! (yeah it’s that exciting)
9. yeah sleep!

so i really need to fix my camera that’s been broken for about 6 months now. ugh.

k dinner bye.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

madeline and the meaning of life

today anne and i were hanging out.

then we walked into petco.

then i decided i wanted i fish.

i had thought about getting a fish before, but i was scared of being too spontaneous.

is there such thing?

so today, with promptings of spontaneity from anne, i got my fish.

and not just any fish...

a japanese fighter fish.

it is beautiful.

tonight i watched 'into the wild.'

after watching it, some things i think are true, but some agendas were definitely pushed.

it's not about stuff.

it's not about fish.

it's not about me.

happiness is found when it is shared.

with God and with others.

that's what it's all about.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

black cassette

i sit here in front of you
amazed by the shadows you cast in the light
pardon my asking, but i want to know
did you read all the letters i had to rewrite?
envelopes and stamps did their duty
while you sipped your tea
and i dared to wonder
if you thought about me

i faded like bleach into your mind
you played me back, then hit rewind
i kinda like being this black cassette
i'll cheer you up when you get upset

i'm not there, but i'll be there soon
im a 100 miles away
so i won't be there by noon
but i found this old piano
outside on the street
so i recorded you a song
that has a funky beat
i put it in the mail
and i sent it home to you
p.s. don't forget
je t'aime beaucoup

figurative dances

whispers are currents creeping on clouds
my heart could not beat louder
tell me the sounds of silence you hear
like seeing two birds but hearing the air
the water surrounds me and pours in my ears
i am drowning in my fears

it's been 72 days since i saw you last
and all i can do is reminisce of the past
it's over you tell me
you don't even care
i stagger to a window
and breathlessly stare
and everything we ever knew
won't ever continue

no more will i hear
a laugh or a tear
just the ocean mocking me
telling me silently
that the grass was not greener
oh it wasn't greener
the grass was a color of gray
much to my dismay

so goodbye dear friend
i hope you remember
that this is the end
no more second chances
or figurative dances
we're through
but i still love you

sweet things

apple seeds are black like clouds
that drench my strawberry heart
tears drip down like kiwi rain
to form a puddle of orange juice art

and i sing loud
and i sing proud
to run away from the noises
and i sing loud
and i sing proud
to save myself from the voices

purple plums try to come
to steal my raspberry loving
but mellow breezes like limes and lemons
float in to take the beating

and all these sweet things
can't stop me from You
but sometimes
these sweet things
will try to deceive me
but don't worry
i'm coming back soon

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

my dance

this is my dance.
it's new every time.
it began as a heartbeat
and sprouted a rhyme.

this is my dance.
the beat and the rhythm.
like a bright spectrum
released from a prism.

this is my dance.
with hands in the air.
spinning in circles
when life seems so square.

this is my dance
through joy and through strife.
i will keep dancing cause
my dance is my life.

Monday, January 28, 2008


here i sit
here in class
information filling glass.

grab a scope
peer carefully
now please test my memory.

ah ha! you see
there's nothing there
just molecules in the air.

teach me something
teach me well
try to get my brain to swell.

fill it quickly
fill it, stop!
can't you see it's gonna pop?

information overload
hyper pyscho subtle sprode
like a lime green puking toad.

it spills out
lost forever but i don't care.

now that it
is all destoyed
let me fill up the empty void.

doing things
all by myself
are better than books up on the shelf.

out on my own
makes me prove what i've been shown.

i must confess
i'd rather find
information of my own kind.

Friday, January 4, 2008

all alone

sometimes it's good to be alone
find your rhythm, find your tone
sit alone in solitude
and fall into a constant mood
maybe you'll find that your better days
are when you hide and avoid the haze
so take this moment, take this time
to find your rhythm and your rhyme
soon you'll be back on your feet
dealing with the next defeat
slowly you will fall back down
to your little peaceful town
a quiet place that's all your own
a lovely haven called "all alone"