swirl of crazy

today i transition to a new month in my happiness project: 

prayer and vitality.

and what good timing. 

for the last week or so i've been dealing with tension headaches, a sign of lack of inner peace about a multitude of things:

(transitions to new job, brother to australia, other personal things)

so i've been a little bit checked out for the last week as i was suppose to be focusing on meditation.

and this morning everything seemed to hit the fan and my whole being felt a big swirl of crazy emotions. naturally i called my best girlfriends and talked it through.

their advice? pray. pray. pray.

so then i did a little bit of reading from richard foster about prayer and read that:

"to pray is to change. prayer is the central avenue that God uses to transform us."

so as i begin this month, i hope to be changed.

 

mumford philosophy

 this week was all about spending time observing and thinking about creations. i have to say, it was a little bit hard getting out and about this week since it snowed, but i was blessed by all the white loveliness that we had (even though it was gone within 8hrs...).

 i focused on reading psalm 8 this week:

when I consider your heavens,
   the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
   which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them?
   human beings that you care for them?

 while i was driving around earlier in the week, i spent a good chunk of time thinking about these lyrics from mumford and sons:

in these bodies we will live

in these bodies we will die

where you invest your love

you invest your life.

it was good to reflect again on the knowledge that someday i will die, for it truly does heighten my awareness of what im accomplishing today.

and week three did bring on at least one important accomplishment:

my very last unofficial shift at my job.

i was so thankful that i was able to meet with my favorite kiddo one last time to tell her in person that i was leaving and not gonna be able to see her anymore. she was definitely sad and angry at first, but we talked about change and how it's never fun to say goodbye, but it always brings new adventures and opportunities. on our way to celebrate with root beer floats, she told me that she'll miss me, how i was her favorite, and how she wants to name a future child after me. 

all that still makes me smile.

i feel content and fulfilled that i made that much of an impact on her. 

i'm gonna miss that girl though. 

<3

and here's one of god's prettiest creations: my adorable ginger puppy. 

centering down

week 2 of my happiness project was met with some pretty big events, which made my focus on meditation a little bit of a challenge. last week my goal was to work on "centering down" which, according to richard foster is: 

 "a time to become still, to enter into the recreating silence, to allow the fragmentation of our minds to become centered."

ironically, this was also the week that my brother nathan left for australia for a year, the last week of official shifts at my current job, and the last week that luis had in portland before he left for nyc for school.

bam. 

so it was hard to feel successful about the week, being that it was crazy emotional for me and trying to center down in the midst of that was a mean joke.

but i did get some good thoughts out of it, even if i didn't meditate. as i was perusing the chapter about spirituality in the happiness project, i read about how gretchen read memoirs of catastrophe. and then it started to all make sense. 

she says that one of the best ways to appreciate life is to contemplate death. 

i feel like i had to grieve about this past week about the momentous changes that took place. i am totally stoked for all this change: nathan, luis, and i are all embarking on new adventures shortly which is very exciting and a little bit overwhelming. and in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed, there's always discipline, psalms 119: 33-40, and happiness to make me feel better. 

(and ice cream, good girl talk with anne, and a wonderful supportive husband and family) 

onto week 3!

becoming an oak

since i wrote about how i was gonna start a happiness project this year a couple weeks ago, i thought it would be good of me to keep a record of my weekly thoughts/reflections of how the project is going.

this month my focuses are spirituality/meditation.

i took away a great deal this week while meditating on isaiah 61: 1-3. i thought about what i've been called to be, who i've been called to help and encourage, and how i can encourage those around me.

i spent the greater part of the week meditating on how to become "an oak of righteousness" (vs. 3). i hope that in the future i can become more of a radiant spirit, bestowing beauty, stability, and endurance to those around me, all the while striving for humility, gentleness, and grace.

yah, i know, it's a lot to strive for, but i think those things will help me leave the legacy i long to leave behind.

one profound thing i learned this week was trait transfer which was found in the happiness project.

trait transfer: 

"because of trait transfer, whatever you say about other people (he's obnoxious, she's brilliant) shapes the way people see you."

in trying to gain happiness, working on building a more positive verbal repertoire will help me feel more positive about myself. also, this has a similar vibe to "loving your neighbors as yourself."

overall, i feel more happy since last week. i disciplined myself to cross off things on my to do list every day and feel like i accomplished some things that have been hanging over my head. and kabam! my load feels lighter and i feel more free to enjoy myself!

off to week 2!

oblivion embraces

Tender breaths sail past me
Faint songs caress my ear
Silent depths surround me
I long for my lover to draw near

Turn, he whispers, to the birds
Their wandering elegance soothes me
Follow, he murmurs, the deer
Their strength and devotion moves me

Suddenly melodies slip from my lips
I follow the wind like a dove
Power and wisdom flow to and from me
Zealous passion becomes my love

But when the moon rises high to its peak
And the owls of the night turn their faces
My heart, mind, and soul grow quietly still
And sweet dark oblivion embraces